time for the talk
by bill560682
Summary: tim has to give "the talk" to brad and randy. disclaimer i own not the show or the people in it.


"tim i think it's time for you tp have 'the talk' with brad and randy." says jill to her husband.

"why? what did i do wrong? that i am being punished?" inquires tim who has been dreading this day ever since brad was born.

"tim where did you learn about sex from?" asked jill.

"from my buddies fathers penthouse collection, just like every other guy i know." stated tim in a matter of fact way because it was fact.

"well if you don't go do as i say your buddies fathers penthouse collection is as close to sex as you will be getting for a long time." replied jill.

"bummer, tommy heart moved away years ago. lucky i have my own collection in the garage now." replied tim in a mumble.

"what was that tim i could not hear you?" asked jill who new what he had said an had in fact known about tim's book collection for years.

"i ah, ssaid i have to go talk to the boys now." responded tim as he headed for the stairs.

"i thought that is what you said." retorted jill as tim fled the room.

"brad randy we need to talk." stated tim as he saw brad and randy in randy's room hanging out.

"ut oh brad that is the 'i would rather be someplace else but your mother is making me be here instead look'. " stated randy when he saw his fathers face.

"personally i would rather be rolling naked in broken glass but your mother won't let me get off that easy. your mother thinks you are old enough that we should talk about were baby's come from and how they get there." tim started before being interupted by randy.

"oh is that all. dad thanks to health class in school and the internet we likely know more about sex then you do." stated randy glad this was going to be short talk that did not end up with someone getting grounded.

"sounds to me like SOMEONE just earned himself a much closer look at where he visits on the internet from now on. but for now that is a good thing, the health class i mean. so did they tell you how to prevent accidents?" asked tim who was glad most of this stuff would in fact NOT need to be talked about.

"if you mean condons, yes they did. they also told us they do not work all the time but most of the time. an that you can still get several S.T.D.'s even with use of a condom threw other forms of sex acts such as oral sex. which is were one persons mouth is introduced to the partners sex organ, and the most likely time to get said S.T.D. threw this method is during or after ejoculation of fluids." said randy hoping bringing up such fact would both show they did know what was what and chase their father away since this was a boreing subject unless of course you had videos to go along with it.

"randy, I know all that already. but i am very glad to see that you do as well. do you have anything to add brad?" asked tim hoping he did not since this almost seemed to be over.

"always use a condom and no oral sex unless you want to get A.I.D.S. or some other nasty thing that has no cure." repeating what randy had said in plain english.

"good to know you all have been paying attention in school. if i am lucky mark will pay just as much attention an save me from having to go into detail about these thing when it is his turn to for 'the talk'. an yes if you mother asks we did have 'the talk'. oh and randy I will be checking your web history from now on. and any blank history will get you a weeks grounding for both of you. so you BETTER make sure i find a proper history and so you know the stuff you see in those videos is not aways stuff you will find anyone in real life willing to do without being payed a lot of money." stated tim as he walked out of the room.

back down stairs with jill.

"so how did it go?" knowing this was not something tim had wanted to do.

"i would rather have rolled around in broken glass naked. if that answers your question." retorted tim.

"well since you were such a big boy i think you need a reward. after the boys go to bed i will do what miss june 93 likes as her favorite sex act." states jill as she watches tim's eyes bug out.

"you mean. BOYS, BEDTIME NOW." yelled tim as load as he could.

in the boys room, a moment after tim yelled.

"so you think mom is paying him for having 'the talk' with us?" asked brad with a smerk on his face.

"that or santa called and christmas is coming early this year. which at least for one person in the house that would seem to apply." said randy

"you think we should loan him one of those free condoms they give out at school?" asked brad as he sees randy hit himself with his notebook several times in the head.

"well, first off. loaning someone something suggests you will be getting it back, if you ever did give back anything you took you would know this. a used condom is something you do not want returned. besides he is the one who just tried to have 'the talk' with us not 5 minutes ago, so if he forgets then it is totally his own fault." responded randy hoping his father of course would not forget since that meant a possible new brother or sister for them. now since there is a 3 year age gap between him and mark that may be how mark came along as an ooppppss. 


End file.
